Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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