your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
