your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
