I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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