TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
