i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I would fuck him just for his dog
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize