I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
