do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
