Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
