Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We have so much sex to catch up on
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
