The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
