i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize