You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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