when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
