Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
