The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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