she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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