i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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