Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
