I think I won the penis lottery.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
