Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
