Where did you get a picture of my penis
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
