please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Randomize
