I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize