my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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