If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
