i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
