Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
