instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize