I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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