Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
