I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
