I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
