How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
