He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
