How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
