the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
