My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
