what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
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