I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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