He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
