im drinking this country out of the recession.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
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