There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
