Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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