If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I could fuck to npr.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Randomize
