Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
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