I puked a lego.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
