'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
