I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
