K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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