Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
