idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
