The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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