I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
