How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
