i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
