he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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