dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
