im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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