don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
