We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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