I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
