Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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