i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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