He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
