god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You ruined the universe
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
