I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
