I don't usually arrange sex via text message
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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