I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
