Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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