god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
