I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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