I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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