I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
