East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
