If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
