Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Randomize
