well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
