At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
