if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
