Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Randomize
