we made out on top of his cat.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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