Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
my poor anus
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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