she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
