did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
