Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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