Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
The best revenge is premature balding
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
