I'm lost and stupid without you.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
