Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
