I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
