I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
