I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
