I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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