Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
he just fucked me for my cheese..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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