I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize