I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize