Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just had sex on a roof
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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