Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
