I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
