found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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